Rejection hurts no matter what, but it’s the sort of passive/aggressive rejection that pisses me off the most.
For the past month or so, I’ve been dealing with the aftermath of being rejected by the first person I’d really felt a romantic connection with in a while. Perhaps I came on a little too strong-I tend to do that with friends and potential mates, and I guess the older I get, the worse it gets because I’m so fucking scared of ending up lonely. But he was just as open with his issues (ex-heroin addict, in love with his best friend), and I thought we were on the same playing field as far as all that went. Ultimately, we had a phone conversation one night where he said that he was incapable of being someone that I could lean on and that he just wanted to hang out and have an easy, breezy kind of friendship. We hung up the phone still friends, I thought. He said that he was going to call after a couple of days after he kind of got his head together. That call never came, and aside from one email exchange and the exchange of Happy Thanksgivings on Facebook, there’s been no communication at all.
I don’t have a problem with someone not liking me, so long as I *know* why they don’t like me. What the hell did I do wrong? The worst about it is that it sort of preys on all my insecurities. Was it because I’m black? Was it my teeth? How could something I felt so strongly be nothing at all? And is there anything I can do to correct it? I still think about this guy every day, and can’t seem to get rid of his shadow.
I know I have to, though. If I contact him again I’m just running the risk of embarrassing myself even more. Probably best in this case just to fall back.
And wonder if I’m going to spend my entire life alone.
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You and I have talked about this, and even though it’s hard, you’re better off. Why would you want to be with someone who is so insensitive towards your feelings? At the end of the day, he’s probably a good dude, but in this case, he’s shown a weakness. Oh well. Wash your hands with him.
Also, there doesn’t need to be a reason, even though as people, we always want answers. Sometimes it’s more a feeling than anything else, and it takes a big person to stand up to the questions and be real. Unfortunately, he’s just not strong enough to be that person. He has his own issues, and this is exactly why he told you he couldn’t be someone for you to lean on. He can’t deal with this stuff.
But like I said, you’re better off. You could’ve been in limbo for all this time when dude was just going to fail you anyway.
Hopefully for his sake, he gets his situation together and maybe down the line y’all can be friends. But right now, you need to move on and make new friends and just don’t trip. It’s not that you got dumped. He couldn’t handle you enough to dump you. He dumped himself. It’s not about you. It’s about him.
Keep your head up man.
GG
I second that! Mikey, in my opinion, this guy seems to have issues of his own and if he doesn’t want to spend time with you, its his loss. These things happen, but don’t blame it on yourself, thats the worst you could take from this situation. I say, use it as another learning experience, move on, and continue meeting people, so you can find someone who actually deserves you